At a military funeral, the folded flag goes to the veteran’s surviving spouse. When there is no surviving spouse, federal regulation sets a fixed order of precedence for who gets the flag at a military funeral: the veteran’s children (oldest first), then parents, then siblings, then more distant relatives.1eCFR. 38 CFR 1.10 – Eligibility for and Disposition of the United States Flag for Burial Purposes The honor guard presents the flag to the highest-ranking eligible person who is present or has requested it.
The Federal Order of Precedence
The Department of Veterans Affairs follows this hierarchy, in order:1eCFR. 38 CFR 1.10 – Eligibility for and Disposition of the United States Flag for Burial Purposes
- Surviving spouse. This includes a common-law spouse if the veteran lived in a state that recognizes common-law marriage and the couple met that state’s requirements.2U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Important Information on Marriage
- Children, by age, oldest first.
- Parents, including adoptive parents, stepparents, and foster parents.
- Siblings, including half-siblings, oldest first.
- Uncles and aunts.
- Nephews and nieces.
- Other relatives, such as cousins and grandparents. In-laws are specifically excluded.
The list moves down only when no one in a higher category exists or claims the flag. A surviving spouse outranks an adult child from a prior marriage. A living parent outranks a sibling. And the ordering within a tier matters too: the oldest child stands ahead of younger children, and the oldest sibling ahead of younger siblings.
If No Family Member Claims the Flag
When no relative on the list requests it, a close friend or associate who helped arrange the funeral may receive the flag instead.1eCFR. 38 CFR 1.10 – Eligibility for and Disposition of the United States Flag for Burial Purposes This is not a workaround for family members lower on the list; it applies only when no eligible relative comes forward.
When More Than One Relative Wants the Flag
Disputes over the burial flag happen more often than families expect, especially among adult children or between a veteran’s parents and a second spouse. When the VA receives competing requests from people who can each show a legitimate relationship, the head of the VA field facility overseeing the burial flag decides who is “most equitably entitled” to receive it. That decision is final.1eCFR. 38 CFR 1.10 – Eligibility for and Disposition of the United States Flag for Burial Purposes
As a practical matter, the flag is almost always handed to whichever eligible person is physically present at the graveside. That reality cuts both ways. If you are the highest-ranked person on the precedence list, plan to attend the committal service or send clear written instructions to the funeral director naming who should receive the flag in your place. If you believe the flag went to the wrong person, contact the VA regional office that handled the burial arrangements. Sorting out entitlement before the funeral is much easier than trying to recover a flag after it has been presented.
One Flag, One Veteran
The government provides exactly one burial flag per veteran at no cost.3National Cemetery Administration. Burial and Memorial Benefits This is the point that most surprises families with several children, each of whom would like a flag to keep. Only one person receives the presented flag. Others who want one will need to purchase it privately. A government-specification cotton burial flag (5 by 9½ feet, embroidered stars, sewn stripes) typically runs around $90 from commercial retailers.
The VA also cannot replace a burial flag that is lost, stolen, or destroyed after presentation.4Veterans Affairs. Burial Flags to Honor Veterans and Reservists Some veterans service organizations may be able to help obtain a replacement, but no federal program exists for it. Whoever receives the flag is receiving the family’s only one from the government.
The Presentation Itself
The burial flag drapes the casket throughout the service, with the blue star field positioned over the veteran’s left shoulder. When the service ends, the honor guard lifts the flag from the casket and folds it into the traditional triangle, with only the blue field and white stars visible. The result is a tight three-cornered shape produced by 13 folds.
A member of the honor guard then kneels before the primary recipient and presents the flag with words that vary slightly by branch but follow this general form: “On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States [Army/Navy/Air Force/Marine Corps/Space Force/Coast Guard], and a grateful Nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.” Federal law guarantees that every eligible veteran’s funeral includes, at minimum, two uniformed service members, the folding and presentation of the flag, and the playing of Taps.5Office of the Law Revision Counsel. 10 USC 1491 – Funeral Honors Functions at Funerals for Veterans
The honor guard comes from the veteran’s branch of service. If a live bugler is unavailable, the detail plays a recorded version of Taps using audio equipment they bring with them. Some families also receive a rifle volley, though that is not guaranteed by statute and depends on availability.
Whoever ends up with the folded flag in their hands, the person kneeling in front of them has been dispatched by federal law to place it there. Knowing in advance who that recipient will be spares the family one of the small, avoidable frictions of an already difficult day.