You can legally get married without an officiant in two ways: self-solemnization, where you and your partner sign the marriage license yourselves after exchanging vows, or common law marriage, where your conduct over time creates a legal union. Both are limited to a small number of states, and the rules differ sharply between them. Everywhere else, the law requires a third party — a judge, clergy member, or ordained officiant — to solemnize the ceremony.
Where You Can Self-Solemnize
Self-solemnization means the couple performs the ceremony themselves. No judge, minister, or witness signs on behalf of an authority. You exchange vows, sign the license, and file it. The concept has roots in Quaker and Bahá’í practice, where the community witnesses the couple’s commitment rather than an authority pronouncing them married. A handful of states have carried that idea into their marriage statutes, some for anyone and some only for members of specific religious groups.
States With No Religious Requirement
Colorado is the most permissive. Its marriage statute lists “the parties to the marriage” among those authorized to solemnize a marriage, alongside judges and clergy. There is no witness requirement and no religious affiliation test. You sign the certificate and return it to the county clerk within sixty-three days.1Justia Law. Colorado Revised Statutes Title 14 – Section 14-2-109 That has made Colorado a common destination for couples who want a private elopement with no third party in the paperwork.
The District of Columbia works the same way. DC law lists the parties themselves as persons authorized to perform the marriage, and both must apply in person with government-issued ID.2D.C. Courts. Marriage Matters
Pennsylvania: Witnesses Required
Pennsylvania allows what it calls a self-uniting marriage, a legacy of its Quaker history. Unlike Colorado, Pennsylvania requires at least two witnesses to sign the license along with the couple. The option is available regardless of whether the couple is religious; Pennsylvania courts have clarified that after a 2007 Allegheny County dispute over a non-religious couple’s self-uniting application.
States That Still Tie It to a Religious Group
Several states permit self-solemnization only for members of religious societies or indigenous communities with self-marriage customs. Enforcement varies from strict to nominal, so call the county clerk before assuming you qualify.
- Kansas: Available when done “in accordance with the customs, rules and regulations of any religious society, denomination or sect to which either of the parties belong.”
- Maine: Exempts Quakers and members of the Bahá’í faith from the officiant requirement.
- Nevada: Recognizes marriages solemnized among Quakers “in the forms heretofore practiced and in use in their meetings.”
- Wisconsin: Allows self-uniting marriage when one or both parties belong to a religious denomination with self-marriage customs. Courts have read “religious denomination” broadly enough to reach secular humanism, and the applicant’s word about affiliation is typically enough.
- Illinois: Permits the couple to complete and file the certificate themselves when “no individual acting alone solemnized the marriage,” provided the ceremony follows the practices of a recognized religious denomination, Indian nation, or tribal group.
How the Paperwork Actually Works
Self-solemnization still requires a marriage license. Both partners appear in person at the county clerk’s office, probate court, or vital records office in the county where the marriage will take place. Bring photo ID, and, if you were previously married, the divorce decree or your former spouse’s death certificate. Some counties want a birth certificate as well. Fees generally run $35 to $100.
Many states impose a waiting period between issuing the license and the ceremony. These range from 24 hours to several days. Licenses also expire, usually between 30 days and six months after issuance.
After the ceremony, you fill out the portion of the license that an officiant would ordinarily complete, sign it, and return it to the clerk. In Pennsylvania, your two witnesses sign as well. Colorado gives you sixty-three days to return the signed license.1Justia Law. Colorado Revised Statutes Title 14 – Section 14-2-109 Other states set deadlines between 10 and 30 days. Missing the window doesn’t automatically void the marriage, but it makes proving it later a headache. Once the office records the completed license, request at least two certified copies of your marriage certificate. You’ll use them more often than you expect.
Common Law Marriage: Married Without a Ceremony
Common law marriage creates a legal union through the couple’s actions and intent rather than any ceremony. Living together is not enough on its own. Courts look for three things together: both partners agree to be married, they live together, and they consistently present themselves to the world as a married couple. That last piece can include sharing a last name, filing joint tax returns, or introducing each other as spouses to employers, banks, and friends.
Only a small number of states currently allow new common law marriages to form:
- Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Rhode Island, and Texas all recognize common law marriage, each with its own rules on minimum age, cohabitation, and public reputation.3National Conference of State Legislatures. Common Law Marriage by State
- Oklahoma requires a license by statute, but its courts have upheld common law marriages through case law.3National Conference of State Legislatures. Common Law Marriage by State
- The District of Columbia also recognizes common law marriage.
New Hampshire is a narrower case. It only recognizes a common law marriage after one partner dies. If two people lived together and were generally known as married for at least three years before the death, the survivor can be treated as a legal spouse for inheritance.4New Hampshire Law Library. Read The Law About – Common-law Marriage
Texas offers something the other states don’t: a Declaration of Informal Marriage that couples can sign with the county clerk, giving the union formal proof for all legal purposes.5Texas Department of State Health Services. Declaration and Registration of Informal Marriage If you qualify in Texas, filing this is the single best thing you can do to avoid future disputes.
Marriages Grandfathered by States That Ended Common Law
Several states abolished common law marriage but still honor unions formed before the cutoff. If you were common-law married in one of these states before the deadline, you’re still legally married:3National Conference of State Legislatures. Common Law Marriage by State
- Alabama: before January 1, 2017
- Florida: before January 1, 1968
- Georgia: before January 1, 1997
- Indiana: before January 1, 1958
- Ohio: before October 10, 1991
- Pennsylvania: before January 1, 2005
- South Carolina: before July 24, 2019
Utah’s Judicial Recognition
Utah doesn’t have traditional common law marriage but offers something similar. Couples who never had a ceremony can petition a court to recognize their relationship as a legal marriage. The court examines whether both partners were of legal age, capable of consenting, lived together, treated each other as spouses, and held themselves out as married. The petition must be filed during the relationship or within one year after separation or a partner’s death.6Utah Courts. Judicial Recognition of a Relationship as a Marriage
If Your State Doesn’t Allow Either
In every other state, the law requires a third party to solemnize the marriage. The closest workaround is having a friend or family member get ordained online through a group like the Universal Life Church or American Marriage Ministries. In most states this is enough for that person to legally sign your license, though some states require online-ordained officiants to register with a local government office first, and some courts have questioned online ordinations. Before the wedding, call the county clerk where you’ll marry and confirm they’ll accept a license signed by an online-ordained officiant. This is a five-minute call that avoids a much longer problem afterward.
Federal Benefits and Moving to Another State
The IRS, Social Security Administration, and other federal agencies generally defer to the law of the state where the marriage was formed. A self-solemnized or common law marriage that is valid where it happened counts as a marriage for federal tax filing, Social Security spousal benefits, and federal employee health insurance.7Internal Revenue Service. Same-sex Marriages Now Recognized for Federal Tax Purposes
A self-solemnized marriage with a properly filed certificate proves itself the same way any other marriage does. You hand over the certified copy and you’re done. Common law marriage is harder to document. The Social Security Administration requires signed statements from both spouses plus two blood relatives to verify a common law marriage. If a spouse has died, the survivor and two blood relatives of the deceased must provide statements.8Social Security Administration. Code of Federal Regulations 404-0726 The Office of Personnel Management requires either a court order recognizing the common law marriage or a signed personal declaration with supporting documents such as a joint tax return or proof of shared residence and combined finances.9U.S. Office of Personnel Management. Family Member Eligibility Fact Sheet
Under the Full Faith and Credit Clause, a marriage valid where it was performed is generally recognized in every other state. If you self-solemnize in Colorado and later move to a state that doesn’t allow it, your marriage remains valid. The same holds for common law marriages formed where they’re recognized. The practical problem isn’t legal recognition — it’s paperwork. A certified marriage certificate travels anywhere. A common law marriage with no filing does not. If your state offers a declaration or registration, use it while things are amicable. Proving the marriage after a dispute, or after a partner’s death, is a much harder job.