If a family member is stealing money from your elderly mother, the response has to move on three tracks at once: document what’s happening, report it to the agencies that can investigate, and lock down her accounts and legal authorities before more is taken. Federal law defines this conduct as elder financial exploitation, and it’s illegal even when the person doing it already had access through a joint account, a power of attorney, or a family relationship. Permission to manage money is not permission to take it.
Confirm What You’re Seeing
Financial exploitation inside a family often goes undetected for months because the abuser is trusted. The signs show up as financial patterns that don’t match your mother’s normal life:
- Large or sudden withdrawals that don’t match any bill, purchase, or medical expense.
- Frequent transfers from her account to someone else’s.
- A family member newly added as a joint owner or authorized signer.
- Unpaid bills, eviction notices, or utility shutoffs when she should have enough to cover them.
- Recent changes to her will, trust, or power of attorney that disproportionately benefit one person.
- A deed to her home or a vehicle title suddenly in someone else’s name.
Any one of these can have an innocent explanation. A pattern of several is a red flag.
Build the Paper Trail First
Before you call anyone, spend time gathering documentation. The strength of every step that follows depends on it.
Pull bank and credit card statements going back at least 12 months. You’re looking for a clear before-and-after showing when the suspicious activity started and how it grew. Request copies of canceled checks, which can reveal forged signatures. If your mother has a brokerage or retirement account, pull those statements too.
Get copies of any power of attorney, trust documents, or recent will changes. If a deed was transferred or a beneficiary was changed, obtain the recorded documents from the county recorder’s office or the financial institution. Write down what your mother tells you about the situation, including dates and specific incidents, while her memory is fresh. If she’s willing, a written or recorded statement in her own words carries weight with investigators.
Keep everything organized chronologically. Caseworkers and police respond better to a clear timeline than to a stack of loose papers.
Who to Call, and in What Order
If your mother is in immediate physical danger, call 911 first. Everything else can wait until she’s safe. Otherwise, reporting isn’t one phone call, it’s several, and each agency handles a different piece of the problem.
Adult Protective Services
Start with your local Adult Protective Services agency. Every state runs an APS program that investigates elder abuse. You can locate your office through the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116, a public service of the Administration for Community Living, or through the National Adult Protective Services Association. A caseworker will be assigned to interview your mother, the suspected abuser, and other family members. In most states, bank employees, healthcare workers, and social workers are mandated reporters, so a report may already be in motion if others have noticed the same signs.
Local Police
File a police report at the same time. Financial exploitation is a crime, and a police report creates an official record that can trigger a criminal investigation independent of APS. Even if officers don’t act immediately, the report number becomes important for bank disputes and any later court proceeding.
Your Mother’s Bank
Call the fraud department at her bank or credit union. Banks can freeze accounts to stop ongoing theft, reverse unauthorized transactions, and run an internal investigation. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau advises contacting both local law enforcement and the financial institution when you suspect exploitation.
Social Security and VA
If Social Security benefits are being diverted, report it to the Social Security Administration’s Office of the Inspector General at oig.ssa.gov/report. This matters especially when the family member is serving as her representative payee. If she receives VA benefits managed by a fiduciary, contact the VA Fiduciary Program at 1-800-698-2411.
Bank Deadlines You Cannot Miss
If any of the theft involved electronic transactions — debit card use, ATM withdrawals, or online transfers — federal Regulation E caps your mother’s liability, but only if the unauthorized activity is reported quickly:
- Reported within 2 business days of learning about the unauthorized access: maximum liability is $50.
- Reported after 2 business days but within 60 days of receiving the bank statement showing the unauthorized transfer: maximum liability rises to $500.
- Reported after 60 days: she could be liable for the full amount of any unauthorized transfers occurring after the 60-day window.
The law also has a built-in accommodation. If the delay in reporting was caused by extenuating circumstances such as cognitive impairment, illness, or hospitalization, the bank must extend the reporting window to a reasonable period. This provision exists specifically for situations like elder abuse. Once notice of error is filed, the bank must investigate, and it must provisionally credit the account within 10 business days if the investigation runs long.
When Your Mother Doesn’t Want to Report
This is where most families hit a wall. The person stealing is often an adult child or grandchild, and your mother may resist reporting out of love, guilt, shame, or fear of family conflict. Competent adults generally have the right to refuse protective services, and APS cannot override that decision unless a qualified professional determines she is unable to make decisions for herself. In that situation, APS may petition the court for involuntary protective services or a guardianship, but caseworkers are required to exhaust other options first.
If she is mentally competent and refuses to act, your options narrow but don’t disappear. You can still file an APS report, and the caseworker will attempt to meet with her and assess the situation. You can consult an elder law attorney about whether her circumstances justify seeking a guardianship or conservatorship. And with her consent, you can help her alert the bank, change passwords, and tighten account settings.
Cutting Off the Abuser’s Access
Once the immediate reports are filed, the next job is making sure it can’t continue. The right step depends on how the abuser got in.
Revoke the Power of Attorney
If the abuser was acting under a power of attorney, that document has to be formally revoked. Your mother signs a written revocation, has it notarized, and delivers it to the former agent, ideally by certified mail with return receipt requested so there’s proof of delivery. If the original POA was recorded with the county recorder’s office, the revocation should be recorded there too. She must be mentally competent to revoke a POA. If she is not, a court proceeding to appoint a guardian or conservator is the alternative path.
Move Assets Into a Trust
Placing your mother’s assets in a trust managed by an independent trustee creates a structural barrier against future theft. A trustee has a legal duty to manage the trust solely in the beneficiary’s interest, and unlike a family member with informal access, a professional trustee is subject to court oversight and personal liability for mismanagement. Professional fiduciaries typically charge hourly rates or a percentage of trust assets. The cost is real, but small compared to what an unmonitored family member can take.
Guardianship or Conservatorship
If your mother can no longer manage her own finances or judge who to trust, a family member or other interested party can petition the court to appoint a guardian or conservator. Terminology varies by state — some use “conservator” for someone managing finances and “guardian” for someone managing personal care, while other states use the terms interchangeably. The process requires filing a petition, presenting evidence of incapacity (usually a medical evaluation), and attending a hearing. Filing fees generally run from a few hundred dollars up to $500. Once appointed, the guardian or conservator manages her finances under ongoing court supervision, with regular accountings required.
Protective Orders
Many states allow courts to issue restraining or protective orders specifically for elder abuse. These can bar the abuser from contacting your mother, require them to stay a certain distance away, and even force them out of her home if they live there. In some jurisdictions a judge can issue a temporary protective order within one business day of filing, providing immediate protection while a full hearing is scheduled. Ask an elder law attorney or your local court’s self-help center whether this option is available where your mother lives.
What the Abuser Faces
A family member who steals from an elderly parent can be pursued on two legal tracks at once.
On the criminal side, the conduct can be charged as theft, fraud, forgery, or embezzlement depending on how the money was taken. The severity generally turns on dollar value: lower amounts may be misdemeanors, larger sums push the offense into felony territory. A felony conviction can bring prison time, fines, and a permanent record. The victim being an elderly family member tends to make prosecutors and judges take the case more seriously, not less.
A civil lawsuit aims to get the money back, and many states allow enhanced damages. Illinois, Washington, and Oregon authorize treble damages, meaning up to three times the amount stolen. California and Nevada allow double damages. Florida, Texas, and Arizona have their own enhanced damage provisions. Courts in many of these states can also order the abuser to pay your mother’s attorney’s fees, which removes a major barrier to filing suit at all. The criminal case and the civil case can proceed at the same time.