Whether you can officiate your own wedding depends entirely on where you’re getting married. Roughly eight states and the District of Columbia recognize self-solemnization, meaning the couple can legally marry themselves with no third-party officiant. Everywhere else, someone other than the two people getting married has to preside, and the usual workaround is having a friend or relative get ordained online.
Where Self-Solemnization Is Legal
Self-solemnization (sometimes called a self-uniting marriage) splits into two groups: places where any couple can do it, and places where the option is tied to membership in a religious society without clergy.
Open to Any Couple
Colorado and the District of Columbia are the simplest options. Colorado’s statute lists “the parties to the marriage” among those authorized to solemnize, requires no witnesses, and gives the couple 63 days to file the completed certificate with the county clerk.1Justia Law. Colorado Revised Statutes Title 14 – Section 14-2-109 DC uses similar language, authorizing “the parties to the marriage” to perform the ceremony themselves.2D.C. Law Library. DC Code Section 46-406 – Persons Authorized to Celebrate Marriages No religious affiliation, no clergy, no officiant.
Tied to a Religious Society
Several other states allow self-uniting marriages only when at least one partner belongs to a qualifying religious society, denomination, or sect. Some county clerks read the requirement broadly enough to include secular belief systems; others don’t. Call the clerk’s office in the county where you’ll marry before you count on it.
- Pennsylvania. One of the oldest self-uniting traditions in the country, rooted in Quaker practice. Two witnesses sign the license in place of an officiant, and the completed license must be returned within 10 days.3City of Philadelphia. Get a Marriage License
- California. Allows a “non-clergy marriage” for members of a religious denomination that has no clergy for the purpose of solemnizing marriages. Two witnesses sign, and the form goes back to the county recorder within 10 days.4California Legislative Information. California Family Code Section 307
- Wisconsin. Permits self-uniting marriage “in accordance with the customs, rules and regulations of any religious society, denomination or sect to which either of the parties may belong.” Clerks may ask for evidence of affiliation, and secular humanism has been accepted.5Wisconsin State Legislature. Wisconsin Statutes Chapter 765
- Kansas. Uses nearly identical language to Wisconsin, allowing couples to marry without an officiant according to the customs of a religious society to which either party belongs.6Kansas Office of Revisor of Statutes. Kansas Statutes Section 23-2504
- Maine. Exempts only Quakers (Friends) and members of the Bahá’í faith from needing a third-party officiant.7Maine State Legislature. Maine Title 19-A Section 658
- Nevada. Recognizes marriages solemnized among Quakers or Friends “in the forms heretofore practiced and in use in their meetings.”8Nevada Legislature. NRS Chapter 122 – Marriage
Iowa’s Fine-and-Forgive Rule
Iowa doesn’t have a formal self-solemnization process, but its statute treats marriages performed “in any manner other than that prescribed” by the marriage code as still valid. The catch: the couple and anyone who helped them each owe $50 to the state treasury. The penalty doesn’t apply to the person who conducted the ceremony as long as they file the required return with the county registrar within 15 days.9Iowa Legislature. Iowa Code Chapter 595 It’s less a self-solemnization option than a “your marriage counts, but you owe us a fine” rule.
Can One Partner Just Get Ordained and Officiate?
Outside the self-solemnization states, couples often ask whether one partner can get ordained online and then officiate their own ceremony. This almost certainly does not work. Marriage laws treat the officiant as a neutral third party who confirms that the ceremony happened and that both people consented. The officiant’s signature on the license is meant to be independent verification, and a person cannot independently verify an act they participated in as a principal. If you want a personalized ceremony without traveling to a self-solemnization state, the safer route is to have someone close to you become ordained and officiate on your behalf.
Having a Friend Get Ordained Online
This is the most common way to keep a wedding personal and legal at the same time. Organizations like the Universal Life Church offer ordination in minutes with just a name and email address.10NPR. The Story of the Church That Ordains You With a Few Clicks Online The ordination itself is usually free; optional credential packages cost extra.
Online ordination is accepted in most of the country, but there are trouble spots. Virginia is the most notable holdout, where courts have ruled that online-ordained ministers don’t qualify under state marriage law. Individual counties elsewhere have pushed back too. Before the ceremony, your ordained friend should contact the county clerk’s office where the wedding will take place to confirm the ordination will be recognized and to ask about registration.
Officiant Registration
Some jurisdictions require ordained ministers to register with a local government office before they can legally perform a ceremony. In New York, officiants performing ceremonies within New York City must register with the City Clerk’s office, though no registration is required elsewhere in the state.11New York State Department of Health. Responsibilities of the Officiant Performing the Ceremony Where registration is required, fees generally run between $0 and $15. Skipping this step can jeopardize the validity of the ceremony, so your officiant should call the clerk’s office well before the wedding date.
Getting the License Signed and Filed
Whatever route you take, you need a valid marriage license before the ceremony. Apply at the county clerk’s office in the jurisdiction where you’ll marry. Most licenses are valid for a set window, commonly 30 to 90 days.
After the vows, the license has to be signed. In a standard ceremony, the officiant signs along with the couple, noting their legal name and title. In a self-solemnizing ceremony, the couple signs the license themselves. Most jurisdictions also require one or two witnesses to sign.11New York State Department of Health. Responsibilities of the Officiant Performing the Ceremony
Then the signed license goes back to the issuing office, usually the county clerk or vital records office. Deadlines vary: Colorado allows 63 days, Pennsylvania and California require return within 10.1Justia Law. Colorado Revised Statutes Title 14 – Section 14-2-1094California Legislative Information. California Family Code Section 307 In most states the officiant bears legal responsibility for filing, not the couple. Missing the deadline can mean fines for the officiant and real trouble for the couple trying to prove the marriage happened.
If the Ceremony Turns Out Not to Be Valid
Every couple wants to avoid learning months or years later that their wedding didn’t create a legal marriage. It can happen when an officiant lacked authority, when a self-solemnization was attempted in a state that doesn’t allow it, or when required paperwork was never filed. The fallout reaches tax filings, insurance, inheritance rights, and benefit eligibility.
There is a limited safety net. Under Social Security’s “deemed marriage” provisions, someone who participated in a ceremony in good faith and without knowledge of a legal defect may still qualify for spousal or survivor benefits if certain conditions are met, including that the couple was living together when a claim is filed.12Social Security Administration. POMS PR 05405.042 – Pennsylvania Some states offer similar protection through the putative spouse doctrine, which can preserve property rights for someone who genuinely believed they were legally married.
The best insurance is a phone call. Contact the county clerk’s office where the wedding will take place, confirm your officiant’s credentials are recognized there, and verify the license filing deadline. Fifteen minutes now saves years of untangling later.